Eventually, something will happen to you that will cause your heart to break in a way that rips your ribcage out from your chest and leaves you without breath. There is a type of heartache from which there is no return, no road left to go back to where you once were. There is no way home from there.
There are some experiences that break you open so wide that the thought of it happening to anyone else is what keeps you up at night. It causes you to sit up late, weep without rest and beg for forgiveness. It cleaves you clean apart such that you are left in a daze, staring at a limb that was once attached to your body, but now lays a few feet away. You try to come to terms with the fact that part of you is not attached to the rest of you anymore, but you cannot quite reach for any sense or meaning; for sometimes there exists none.
There is a type of grief that rips you open like a hand tearing open an orange searching for the seed. It leaves you dismembered and disorientated in a pile of your own mess, a helpless beggar weeping for mercy. There is a type of pain that peels your skin and leaves you exposed to the elements such that a gentle breeze is enough to cause you to scream in agony. You wonder if the pain will ever cease. You wonder if God even exists. You wonder if there is any reason to continue or if there is anyone on this earth who can help you; for everyone seems preoccupied with their own grieving.
And then, when you expect it the least, when you resign yourself to your fate, just as the light in your eyes is about to fade, you find the sense in the senseless. Amidst the absurdity, you manage to find a sense of purpose. You realise this breaking of your heart was a blessing, that the weeping was a cleansing, and the grief was a way of connecting. You come to terms with the helplessness that everyone feels when their heart is broken. In your mutual understanding of grief, you find solidarity. In solidarity, you find connection. In your connection, you find strength.
As you resign yourself to the absurdity and meaninglessness of the pain you had to endure, the loss you had to suffer, you begin to find solidarity with the oppressed, the imprisoned, the raped, the tortured, the senselessly slaughtered, the mined, the violated; the Earth. In your state of utter bewilderment at why you had to suffer such injustice and why you were left so helpless, you begin to understand what it is that the earth feels. You see how mindless your own actions have been and how you have caused others to weep.
This thing that breaks you apart is actually a blessing, it allows you to feel a connection. If you manage to maintain your composure and not rely on crutches to get by, if you get yourself back to your feet, you will see how everyone is hurting, and instead of being angry and bitter you can decide to become more kind and gentle. You see, this breaking of your heart, this cause for weeping is a clearing out of all the dust and mud that had accumulated around your heart. This breaking of your heart, is actually what allows your heart to breathe again.
You begin to connect closely and intimately with your environment, you begin to see the senseless violence that is the cutting down of ancient trees, you see the violence in the way we have been eating, you see the violence in our language, and you see the violence in ignoring people as you pass them in the streets. You see the tenderness of all hearts and how traumatised everyone else actually is. You begin to sense emotion in a much more subtle way, and you can finally begin taking the first steps towards true peace. You become sensitive to the needs of thirsty birds, and trapped bees, you see yourself in the water and you see the water in you, you see how you are already connected to everything that is, through your very breath.
Your ability to receive a traumatic experience and not close yourself off to the world out of your love for others, actually opens up an entirely new world to you. You awaken to a world where you can see yourself as a single element in a much greater, limitless body, and as such, any trauma or blow suffered by any aspect of that body is felt by you deeply. Your connection to earth deepens, your roots begin to grow out from your feet and you realise that you are already home. And that you were always there.
You see begin to realise how everything you do, is actually already forever, there is no end, there is no death, there is no other place, for you are already there. You realise how spirituality is existence and existence is spirituality, you see that every action has an intention and every intention has a motivation and every motivation should be rigorously inspected before enacted. You see how energetic desire of another being, even in your own mind is still an act of violation, for there is no separation between thought and reality, and you realise your reality is your thoughts, and your emotions are your driving motivation. And then you realise why your emotions needed to be purified, and that is when you finally understand why you had to be put to grief.
The grief is a chisel placed against your chest, and your wish to grow and develop into a better version of yourself is the hammer that plunges the chisel into your chest. It breaks you up that you may see pieces of what you thought were you, break away and fall to the ground, until eventually realise that none of it was you to begin with. When you do not whince, when you do not flinch, when you stand there with arms out wide to receive each blow, you allow yourself to witness the process of your own crafting.
And if you remain composed, and calm, loving and kind during this painful process of refinement, you get to witness the most glorious experience of all. You get to witness your own birth.